In the Arena, Daring to Lead with a Whole Heart

by Dr. Joe Schroeder, Associate Executive Director

Has it ever been harder to lead than now?  Hard-line rhetoric and “us-them” positioning seems to rule the day, as if that is what advanced living and thinking is.  Our world—even our little corner of it—seems unceasingly and increasingly locked in the sort of conflict that revels in problem-finding more than in solution-seeking, putting people in boxes that magnify division more than inform a dialogue.  And contributing to all this is an environment that far too often lacks even the most basic level of human civility and common decency.  Yes, it’s very difficult to lead now in ways that can find a reasonable resolution for all the challenges and people within our charge.  So let’s consider a leadership mindset and stance that can calm the soul and offer a pathway forward.

Acclaimed author and speaker Brené Brown succinctly describes such a stance in the title of her 2018 best-seller, Dare to Lead:  Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.  In short, she asserts that one needs to certainly be brave just to lean into today’s leadership context.  And yet while demonstrating courage and toughness is important, an impactful leader also needs to bring forward a whole and vulnerable heart.  This paradoxical mix of courage and vulnerability is perhaps best captured in Teddy Roosevelt’s classic passage about the Man in the Arena:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again. . . who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly. 

We all want to possess the sort of courage modeled by the leader in this excerpt.  But Brown rightly explains that “you can’t get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability.”  And while making oneself vulnerable can be very hard and make us feel anxious and uneasy, it’s important to note that vulnerability is not winning or losing.  Rather, “vulnerability is having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.”  Sound a bit familiar?  Doesn’t this definition of vulnerability describe most of our days as leaders in public education?  If so, we should embolden ourselves in what Brown describes as the physics of vulnerability:  “If we are brave enough often enough, we will fall.  Daring is not saying, ‘I’m willing to risk failure.’  Daring is saying, ‘I know I will eventually fail, and I’m still all in.’ “ 

So what tips might Brown have for those wishing to serve well and confidently within the arena?

  1. Avoid Cheap-Seat Feedback
    “There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their lives but who will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgement at those who dare greatly. . . . Don’t grab hurtful comments and pull them close to you by rereading them and ruminating on them.  Don’t play with them by rehearsing your comeback.  And whatever you do, don’t pull hatefulness close to your heart. . . . Let what’s unproductive and hurtful drop at the feet of your unarmored self.  And no matter how much your self-doubt wants to scoop up the criticism and snuggle with the negativity so it can confirm your worst fears. . . take a deep breath and find the strength to leave what’s mean-spirited on the ground.  You don’t even need to stomp it or kick it away.  Just step over the comments and keep daring, always remembering that armor is too heavy a price to pay to engage with cheap-seat feedback.”

  1. Embrace and Learn from Feedback from Trusted Sources
    “Get clear on whose opinions of you matter.  We need to seek feedback from those people.  And even if it’s really hard to hear, we must bring it in and hold it until we learn from it. . . . Remember, clear is kind; unclear is unkind.”

  1. Continue to Show Up Unarmored and Wholehearted
    “I’ve always talked about living with an unarmored heart as wholeheartedness—engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.  It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, no matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am brave, and worthy of love and belonging. . . . If we shield ourselves from all feedback, we stop growing. If we engage with all feedback, regardless of the quality and intention, it hurts too much, and we will ultimately armor up by pretending it doesn't hurt, or, worse yet, we’ll disconnect from vulnerability and emotion so fully that we stop feeling hurt.  But then we pay too big a price because to lead well, we must make ourselves regularly vulnerable.”

In closing, it’s important to remember that, “at the heart of daring leadership is a deeply human truth that is rarely acknowledged, especially at work:  courage and fear are not mutually exclusive.  Most of us feel brave and afraid at the exact same time.  We feel vulnerable.  Sometimes all day long.”  So, let us take that understanding and have it settle into our core alongside this “one simple mandate:  Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to someone you love” so that you can continue to encourage and support your heart’s commitment to standing in the arena day after day.

For to be sure, serving as a school leader is very hard work, maybe the hardest.  Yet, you can do it, and you are never alone.  In fact, you were made for just such a time and place as this.  So, Leaders, as the new school year arrives, thank you for once again daring to lead, for leaning into the arena with courage and commitment and wholeheartedness.  For striving for your best self.  For being an example of integrity and perseverance.  For making a difference.  We are so incredibly grateful.

 

Reference

Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. New York: Penguin 
             Random House.