How to Develop an Empathy-Centered School: 8 Tenets Educational Leaders Use to Build Strong Empathy-Focused Schools

by Dr. Michele Borba

“A great leader has ‘compelling modesty’, is more we-centric, not I centric, is quiet, humble, calm and aims for the common good.”
– Jim Collins, Good to Great

Creating an empathy-based school is not quick and often is years in the making, but empathy quest always is a key focus. Though each school varies, here are four tenets that strong educational leaders do to create strong empathy-centered schools.

TENET 1: Strong Educational Leaders Develop Safe, Caring, Inclusive, Equitable Learning Climates

Empathy breeds in a safe, trusting environment and is the foundation to the well-being of a school. Strong educational leaders make the school culture and climate a top priority.

Continually assess staff, students, parents and the community as to their perceptions of school safety, caring and orderliness. Do all constituents perceive the school environment as safe, secure, caring and orderly?
At least once a year collect data from students via focus groups, questionnaires and anonymous bullying surveys as to whether they feel safe, respected and cared about at school.
Do quick periodic Walk-Throughs of the school to gauge if it is safe and orderly. Do students and staff appear happy, included and engaged?
Hold quick conversations among staff, parents and students to assess their input and suggestions for improvement.
Periodically examine Easy-to-Gather Quantitative Data to monitor your school climate including: discipline referrals, detentions, suspensions, expulsions, tardies, truancies, bullying incidents, parent or community communication regarding school safety concerns, and student interactions with counselors and guidance department related to school safety or comments and suggestions about safety submitted to your school’s website. Make efforts to address and remedy areas identified by students, parents and staff.
At least once a year review student survey results on “happiness” or attitudinal survey results (for instance, Gallup Student Poll; Gallup, 2013).
Identify your marginalized or more vulnerable students who may be feel excluded or targeted by bullies and create “safety nets.” Assign staff to monitor or “watch out” for them or allocate spaces/rooms as “safe zones” to seek comfort. Seek guidance of counselors or psychologist to help build their confidence, learn social skills or bullying prevention strategies. Hold ongoing staff conversations as to how to help all students (especially those identified as marginalized) fit in, feel cared about and safe.

TENET 2: Strong Educational Leaders Walk and Talk Empathy and Model Their Mission

“Simply paying attention allows us to build an emotional connection. Lacking attention, empathy hasn’t a chance.”
– Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships

An empathy-centered school includes adult interactions. Tune up your empathetic leadership style. An empathetic leader…

Promotes a positive empathic culture and makes each part of the school a safe haven built on trust.
Engages in dialogues and debate, not coercion. Hold Brave Conversations with staff so they know listening is “two-way.”
Leads with questions, not answers. Seeks to understand, not blame.
Focuses on what we can be great at, not failings.
Creates a team “we-centered” approach and equitable collaboration. (Empathy underlies collaboration).
Is a deep listener who tries to understand; withholds judgments.
Is people-centered and invests in the well-being of both students and staff; people and relationship.
Models the nine empathy competencies so the staff and student recognize that you walk the talk.

BRAVE REFLECTION

What are you doing to show your staff, students and parents that you walk and talk empathy?

TENET 3: Strong Educational Leaders Help the Staff Understand “Why” Empathy Matters So They Are Committed to Empathy Education

Empathy-centered schools are led by education leaders who help the staff recognize “WHY” empathy matters. The leader develops a sense of immediacy or a focused urgency about the need for empathy and helps move the staff to commit to embracing change. Teachers are more apt to embrace a concept and alter their habits when they understand the deep reason for change [McREL Insights: Schools that “Beat the Odds.” Aurora, CO. Bryan Goodwin, 2005].

Start with a shared understanding of why empathy matters. Share your vision with staff so they are clear as to the “why.”
Dispel empathy myths so staff recognizes that empathy is not soft, can be cultivated, and essential for student success.
Provide a strong case: show evidence as to why your culture, students, staff will benefit from empathy education.
Present the case that empathy is crucial for 21st century learning and a top employability skill.
Offer a strong case for empathy with evidence and data from your school such as your behavior referrals (in particular incidents of student aggression, anti-social behavior, bullying, racism, student mental health needs, counselor and psychologist reports on students’ anxiety, stress, depression.
Share informal data such as parental concerns on student stress and desire for education that addresses the “whole child,” teacher reports, and student/staff/parent surveys, focus group data.
Show how empathy education is the foundation piece to what you may be implementing (or hope to) such as Inclusion, diversity training, bullying prevention, SEL, social justice, Upstander training, mindfulness, service learning, restorative practices, Capstone project, equity education. Stress that they are all under the umbrella of empathy education.
Show the benefits and value for implementing empathy and the impact it has for students’ learning, mental health, behavior.
Provide the benefits, but also discuss the outcomes for students and staff.
Hold honest, brave conversations around the Empathy Dip to boost their buy-in.
Listen to staff views and concerns about empathy-building without judgment and try to resolve the concerns.

TENET 4: Strong Educational Leaders Build Collaborative Relationships for Their Staff to Work Collectively to Develop Empathy Education Based on Their Unique Culture, Beliefs and Population Needs

Creating an empathy-centered school depends on building relationships and developing deep, meaningful trust and common goals. Gaining staff perspective is crucial to how strong educational leaders direct the extent of empathy education implementation and determines their school focus. A key to culture transformation is for the staff to develop strong buy-in and commitment so they see empathy education as “their joint project” not merely the educational leader’s “new pet idea.” A common leader flaw is not allotting time for the staff to engage in collaborative experiences where they work together to find common ground and strengthen trust on one another. Ideas to consider:

Create multiple teacher teams who remain together to learn and understand the importance of empathy.
View and discuss short videos about the relevance of empathy education such as: “Brene Brown on Empathy” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw
“Empathy Is a Verb” Michele Borba TEDX Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVTiplEG91s “Understanding Empathy” with Simon Sinek TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi86Nr9Mdms
“How to Activate Kids’ Empathy Michele Borba Character.org https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqUgVH5jBmI “The Importance of Empathy” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzPMMSKfKZQ
“The Empathic Civilization” Jeremy Rifkin TEDTalk https://www.ted.com/talks/jeremy_rifkin_on_ the_empathic_civilization
Send staff teams to view nearby schools who are implementing empathy education to view and discuss pros and cons of their approaches together.
Do staff meeting Jigsaw Lessons about each of the nine habits as a staff to help staff work together to understand empathy research. Break the staff into groups and assignments into pieces that the group assembles to complete the (jigsaw) puzzle.
Start a staff book club and read about empathy education [See the free UnSelfie Educator Book Guide micheleborba.com]
Assign teacher grade level partners to work together to plan empathy.
Create staff subject teams (history, English, science, health, etc.) to discuss ways to weave empathy into every subject area.
Create a staff team to develop a school-wide discipline plan based on empathy-building practices such as restorative justice and replace aggression with prosocial behaviors and repair relationships
Ask staff what empathy building resources they need and then bring in speakers or make available those resources.
Offer ongoing professional development about empathy and social-emotional learning. Convince staff that this is a one- time staff development, but a sustained commitment in empathy education.
Take on one best practice each year for your staff training that nurtures academic achievement and empathy (such as Cooperative Learning, Restorative Justice, Class Meetings, Conflict Resolution). Continue to work on that one practice throughout the year, run your staff meetings with the practice so educators feel competent to use the strategy with students.
Hold two-way conversations: ask for and listen to staff concerns and suggestions prior to making major decisions on empathy education so it’s “our” project/idea not “yours.”
Conduct brave, serious staff discussions about your existing School P’s: Policies, Procedures, Practices, Principles (and even People). For instance: discipline policies, lunchroom sitting arrangements, school rules, vision statement, behavior referrals, advisory programs). Are they aligned with empathy-education? If not, why not? Which should be changed? Develop teams to study and align your P’s with Empathy Education.

TENET 5: Strong Educational Leaders Recognize Their Staff Also Needs to Work on Their Own Empathy

An often-missed tenet in empathy education is that “in order to teach empathy, the educator must have empathy.” Educational leaders recognize that many educators are suffering from stress/compassion fatigue and/or realize that teacher empathy is low. Empathy can be cultivated at any age and working on practices that instill empathy will also help educators use the same practices to teach their students. Here are few ideas:

Learn Mindfulness or Meditation: Train one staff member in the approach then hold daily morning, afternoon or afterschool 10-minute Staff Mindful Sessions
Do staff book clubs using literary fiction: proven to heighten empathy: Bel Canto, All the Light We Cannot See, Black Like Me, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, The Knife of Never Letting Go, The Nightingale, To Kill a Mockingbird.
Study empathy practices and choose a “stretch goal” to do as a staff, small team or individual: Empathy: Why It Matters and How to Get It, Wired to Care, The Age of Empathy, Mindsight
Hold more informal staff get-togethers (retreats, luncheons, TGIFs) to develop collegiality
Intentionally practice listening skills in staff meetings in pairs or triads
Take on a community service project as a staff (food bank, homeless shelter, incarcerated youth, women’s shelter).

TENET 6: Strong Educational Leaders Work to Help Educators Cultivate Caring Relationships and Empathize with Students

“A high degree of empathy in a relationship is possibly the most potent factor in bringing about change and learning.”
–Carl Rogers

Research shows the importance of teacher empathy: the more positive interaction students have with their teachers the more likely students will learn effectively, care about school, demonstrate prosocial behaviors, be engaged in their learning.

Read and discuss: “Teacher Empathy Reduces Student Suspensions, Stanford
Research Shows” https://news.stanford.edu/2016/04/26/teacher-empathy-reduces-student-suspensions-stanford- research-shows/
Hold discussions with teachers about the impact of empathy in teaching: “Think back to your own school days and your best learning experiences. What were you doing? What made it your best experience or memorable? What makes good teachers? What would be some characteristics of empathetic teachers?” What factors make it difficult to empathize with students?
Help dispel educator resistance to empathy: “I am not a touchy-feeling person.” “I’m not a therapist.” “Empathy doesn’t have anything to do with the subject I teach.” “I don’t have time.”
Discuss ways to build rapport and relationships with students: Call students by their name, meet them at the door, do surveys to find out their interests and talents, arrive early or stay late to just chat, be respectful, smile! http://www.socialpsychology.org/rapport.htm. Brainstorm lists of student rapport builders and keep them on the wall!
Discuss: “When students see their actions and voices are not only valued but also empowered, they begin to turn from motivation-free to motivated: Jason Flom in Education Week Teacher “How can we help students feel valued?”
Identify “invisible kids” or those who rarely open up, are excluded, you don’t know much about and try to connect or find other staff members who can help you reach them.
Hold brave conversations: “Am I genuine?” Since we empathize with those more like ourselves: “Do I step out of my comfort one to understand students who are different from me?” “How do my students describe me?” “How can I help my students feel safer and know me better?” “How can I get to know my students better?”
Discuss ways to help teachers get into their students’ shoes and understand where they’re coming from. Ideas include: Take a home visit for a conference
Survey students “Is there anything you’d like me to know about you that would help me teach you?” Discuss students you are concerned about amongst staff to understand and empathize with their predicament (the list is endless but a few: deployment, parental incarceration, poverty, stress, depression, abuse, hunger, learning disabilities, race
Try the Shadow-a-Student Challenge http://shadowastudent.org or https://dschool.stanford.edu/shadow-a-student-k12/

Books to Help Staff Understand a Student’s Perspective A few that address issues that today’s youth face:

Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out, by Susan Kuelin (Transgender)
This Is How It Always Is, by Laurie Frankel (Joys and trials of parenting a transgender child)
Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s, by John Elder Robinson
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, by Mark Haddon (Autism)
The Girl Who Smiled Beads, by Clementine Wamariya (Enduring severe trauma-genocide)
Educated: A Memoir, by Tara Westover (Urban-rural divide, self-schooled, powerful)
Girl in Pieces, by Kathleen Glasgow (Cutting disorder)
13 Reasons Why, by Jay Asher (Depression, suicide)
Hillbilly Elegy, by J.D. Vance (Poverty, family and culture in crisis)
Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria, by Beverly Daniel Tatum (Racism)
Everyone Makes Mistakes: Living with My Daddy in Jail, by 11-year old Madison Strempeck (Incarceration)
The Language of Flowers, by Vanessa Diffenbaugh (Foster care, trauma, no attachment)
There’s a Boy in Here: Emerging from the Bonds of Autism, by Judy Barron and Sean Barron (Autism)
I Wish My Teacher Knew: How One Question Can Change Everything for Our Kids, by Kyle Schwartz
Between the World and ME, by Ta-Nehisi Coates (Letter to his teen son, describes what it’s like to be black)
#NeverAgain, by David Hogg and Lauren Hogg (Parkland High teens survive school shooting)
Evicted, by Matthew Desmond (Income inequality)

BRAVE STAFF CHATS

Set aside a few minutes for each staff meeting to discuss the need for empathy education. Use “Google Alert” to notify you as to late-breaking news and research on empathy and distribute those links are the articles to discuss as a staff or post them on a staff bulletin board: “Empathy in the News.”

TENET 7: Strong Educational Leaders Involve Parents and Community in Empathy Education

Empathy education involves all stakeholders. How are you helping your parents adopt empathy-building practices? For instance: book clubs, make-and take sessions, speakers, Twitter feeds, parent helping in service projects, newsletters, parent coaches. How can we engage parents-we’d like to get off the 1950 model most schools still use?

TENET 8: Strong Educational Leaders Involve Students in Empathy Development

Empathy education empowers students to realize they can make a difference.

What are you doing to help your students find their voice, develop empathic mindsets and realize they can better the world?
Which SEL skills do your students need to develop the nine empathy competencies.
Which SEL skills or empathy competencies are you teaching your students? How are you determining which habits, skills or competencies your students need? How are you assessing your successes?
What type of strategies and best practices are you using to help your students recognize that they can make a difference in the world? How is service learning used at your school?
How are your students learning leadership skills? Which students might you be overlooking? How can you involve them?

BRAVE EDUCATOR REFLECTION

Which of the eight educational leadership tenets do you consider your strengths? Which is your weakness? Would your staff agree? How do you think your parents, students and staff would describe your leadership style and your school? What about your school’s strengths and weaknesses? If you are not sure, what ways would you get an accurate assessment?

Dr. Michele Borba is an internationally recognized expert and author on children, teens, parenting, bullying and moral development. Her work aims to help strengthen children’s character and resilience, build strong families, create compassionate and just school cultures, and reduce peer cruelty. She will be the Opening Keynote at the 2019 Elementary Principals Convention taking place in the Wisconsin Dells this October.